Sunday, January 10, 2010

Beginning with my FB note

This Friday I intend to begin to change my life. I have always struggled with my weight.

For almost my entire life I have been overweight. Never severly obese, to the point that I can't do things for myself, but overweight enough that I have been depressed, angry at the world/myself, self conscience, and socially unacceptable. This struggle has prevented me from making friends, maintaining successful relationships (outside of my marriage/family), attending social events, and feeling good about myself.

The one time that I felt good about myself was due to a depression that caused me to lose a large amount of weight in a very short time. Although this was not the way to go, it proved to me that I DO have the potential to feel beautiful and be fit.

I know exactly WHY I have gained weight:

- I overeat

- I am lazy and do no physical activity

- I lack dedication

After having Joshua, I felt incredible. I was immediately 30 lbs lighter than what I was before getting pregnant. It did not take long for me to pack that weight back on. I went from feeling amazing - able to sit down with people without a bag/jacket over my lap, to feeling gross, insecure, and sad.

I do not like how I am. I do not feel beautiful, pretty, attractive, or anything positive. Every morning I get dressed and think, "I look terrible!" I gave up putting on makeup or doing my hair nice because I figure, "What's the point??"

So why am I writing this and tagging you in this? Because, as my introductory line said, this Friday I am going to begin changing my life. I will be joining a gym and starting to eat healthier. The reason for Friday is because that is when I will be able to afford the gym membership. This week will be spent researching recipes for foods that I can make simply/quickly that are healthy.

In order for me to be successful, I feel that I need to make this public. I need to have support, outside of just my husband/immediate family. I need to know that people are keeping track of me. If I have people keeping me accountable, I will be encouraged to keep with this. I know I want this badly. I know that my desire for this is immense. I also know that I am not the type of person that can do this alone. I tagged YOU because I knew that you were someone that I could trust.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm looking forward to being a healthier, happier me.

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