Thoughts

I look in the mirror lately and I think to myself, "How did I let myself get back to this?"

People say to me, "Oh but you just had a baby!  Give yourself time!"  But I have lost all the baby weight and a few pounds extra.  This isn't "baby weight"  Sure, I'm a bit looser in places I wasn't as loose before getting pregnant, but the pounds aren't from the pregnancy.  They are from ME, overeating last summer and gaining back nearly every pound.

I think that what disappoints me more than anything, is that when I lost all that weight, I told myself I would never go back to being fat again.  I had become an encouragment to so many people.  I had people messaging me on fb and telling me in person that I was the reason they joined weight watchers.  They had seen how well I had done and decided to change their lives with weight watchers as well.  It felt so good to know that I had become that inspiration that I had always wanted to be.  Now I look at where I am at, 199 pounds, and wonder where I went wrong.  Correction, I know *exactly* where I went wrong - I ate! And ate, and ate, and ate some more.  Then I stopped working out.  And continued to eat.  I ate everything and anything I wanted to.  And as quickly as I had lost all those glorious pounds, they came back just as fast.

Now I have gotten myself into a groove over this last month, measuring out my foods, cooking dinner every night, food shopping once a week for healthy choices... and in two weeks I go back to the stress that initially brought me to my breaking point - my job.  I will be working all summer (thankfully a few less hours than I did last summer, but still working 40 hours a week).  I need to remember how I felt wearing a size 10 (which is mighty small for me) and enjoying clothes shopping and getting dressed in the morning.  I need to not allow the stresses from my job to become an excuse for bad habits. 

What might make this a little easier is that Adam is finally "doing weight watchers."  I put it in quotes because, is he REALLY doing it?  He didn't join because we can't afford two memberships.  Plus, I have all the tools he needs.  He is "counting points" and eating much better, however, he doesn't measure anything out or write anything down.  I'm forced to help him remember the point value of everything he eats, and try to figure out the point value for the bowls of cereal he hasn't measured or the yogurt he has just plopped into a bowl with granola.  I am going to have to train him to measure everything out the night before for his breakfast, so that he can accurately keep track of his own points.  Plus he needs to write it all down so that I am not going through what he ate five times a day in order to see if he has enough points to eat something else.  Hopefully, if he gets himself organized and does it accurately, it will be easier on both of us. 

The kiddies need my attention, so I'll wrap it up here.

Until next time

~

Losing, Losing, Losing, but needing better motivation at home

When I set my mind to it, I can be great at this.  I can lose my weight in just a matter of a few short months.  However, when I'm not getting the support I need at home, that progress is much slower.

Let me start off by saying that I lost 3 lbs this week.  I'm down 7.4 lbs in a week and a half.  That's great.  Not bad at all.  My problem right now is with my husband.  I don't feel like he fully supports me in what I'm doing.  He encourages me to do what makes me happy, but he also seems indifferent at times.  It's when I am trying to do my best that sometimes he tries to bring me down.

For example: the other day he asked me if I wanted a cupcake from the deli around the block.  I told him no.  He continued to tell me how good they looked and how badly he wanted one.  I told him that it was okay if he went to get one, but that I wasn't going to have one.  He followed that with, "well if you aren't going to get one, I"m not going to go there for just myself."  I stood my ground and told him that I wasn't getting one. 

He then waited a bit and then asked me again.  I repeated what I told him before.  He continued to tell me how he really wanted one but he wasn't going to walk there for just himself.  Eventually I caved.  The worst part is that I ate the whole thing (they were pretty big).  Now, I can't blame him for ME eating the cupcake, however, I get highly annoyed when I am trying to lose weight and he is hounding me to eat something I dont want to eat or know isn't good for me/within my points. 

I explained this to him yesterday.  So now let's see where that goes. 

It would be so much easier if he did this with me.  While he says he is going to do it with me, I know he wont. 

Anyway, I've started doing Wii workouts and I find that it's helping me get some sort of physical activity in my day.  I really want to do MORE, like Zumba or the biggest loser workout DVDs I have, but I can't do anything too active until I have my 6 week check up.  That's in 12 days!  Still so far away. 

For now I'm going to have to work on working on me and ignoring my husband ( LOL) and doing small workouts for the time being. 

I'm looking forward to a healthier, prettier, more confident me :)