Hello Again!

It has been too long. And unfortunately, not much progress has been made.

Things have been so difficult. With not having a job and trying to focus on finding one. And then working at Modell's part time (which is almost like full time because I work nearly every day, and always at night), I haven't exactly been focusing on ME.

I lose focus too easily and it is such a bad thing. This is something I want so bad, but based upon my actions, you would never be able to tell that I want it that badly.

So here's the skinny (or the fat in this case): I am at 191.0 lbs, and have changed my long-term goal. Initially, my goal was 165 lbs. I decided that I probably won' t be happy at that, and that I could do much better. So now I am aiming for 145 lbs.

In order to motivate myself, I am making mini shopping goals. When I reach 185 lbs, I will purchase something nice at the Gap. At 175 lbs, I will purchase something nice at Express. At 165 lbs - Abercrombie and Fitch (or American Eagle), at 155 lbs - Guess and at 145 - Hollister. For Hollister, it can even be a t-shirt! I don't care! I just know that when I walk into Hollister right now, I feel disgusting. I pout and I keep my head down and try to avoid eye contact with anyone in there. Unfortunately, Adam liked that store, so I was in there every time we went to the mall.

I also am making monthly goals for myself - I want to work on getting to certain numbers each month. Last week, I decided to make my "September goal" 189 lbs. I am two pounds away. That is okay though!! I won't let that discourage me.

Tomorrow begins October and I have to start it off with a wedding. I am going to drink a LOT of water in order to fill myself up beforehand. Weddings ALWAYS get me!!!

My mini-goal for October is 185 lbs. If I can make that mini-goal, I will get my Gap purchase :) Scheduling workouts have been difficult because of work. I need to just suck it up and go though. I often make excuses and it's not fair to myself. I keep telling myself, "Cindy.. you would have already been at or close to your goal weight had you stuck with this the whole way through since January!"

I also made a list of little things I would like to accomplish once I reach (or as I approach) my goal weight. One of the items on that list: wear a single-digit size jean. Here is the honest truth: I went from a size 20 (in January) to a size 14 (now). It's hard to believe I was a 20 and that at one point in time, not that long ago, I couldn't even pull a size 14 past the middle of my thighs, but that's how it was. I'm even excited to get down to a 10! I don't remember that last time I wore a size 10!!

Well, that's basically my update for now. I need reminders to write on the blog. I am extremely forgetful (and lazy).

- Cindy